The Patterns of Randomness in Life; Part 1

•July 6, 2014 • Leave a Comment

Brain is so fascinating. It has the ability to figure out patterns, even in situations and places you just don’t expect the patterns to reveal themselves. The resulting bemusement, intrigues me, always.

Over the time, and with so many lurid incidences happening to me, I somewhere had discovered a Philosophy. A kind of invisible hand, to which you are so thankful.

This is just like the ‘Black Swan‘ (events), first coined and explained by Nassim Nicholas Taleb . Highly improbable to predict, but beautiful and life changing when it happens. Of-course, the Black Swan events are very well known and talked about, but they are more content with the humanity as a whole. I see it happening in life, in different ways, shows up totally unexpectedly, and well, gives you a beautiful feeling. They also stay long with you. The learnings, the memories and the changes you see in you, just make you pinch yourself.

£££ reuse fee applies - A Black Swan, normally found in Australia, spotted in Dorset

 

I do not claim that this feeling is special to me, these events are very much happening in everyone’s life, am sure of it. But, we only happen to talk about the individual experiences after these Black Swan events in life. We don’t talk about the whole pattern of such events happening in every part of our life. We always feel happy sharing this Black Swan with others. what’s it about and how it happened, but never realize that it governs the change in you. That’s how much amazing this feeling is, a Black Swan happening. So many times, I get myself engulfed in these patterns, coming unexpectedly through every instance of your life.

It has happened with me while traveling. I left home with a crude plan of where all to go, but there was a plan. At the end of it, as you looked back my 3500kms of journey, I realised that I totally went a Brownian path. There were places you went which were not even closely in your plan. But you loved it. And given a chance, you would’ve totally wanted it to happen the way it happened. You meet people, interesting one’s. There are people who have been traveling for as long as a year in India. They tell you stories. I happened to teach an Israeli how to sing “Tum hi ho” song. So many of these unexpected events happen, which you would just deny of even thinking to. No wonder! why everyone starts beaming when they talk about their Travel.

It has happened with my career choices as well.  I always felt bewildered with even a thought of what I want to do in life. There’s so much I want to do in life, and it has just put me in those many random roles, which i enjoyed thoroughly. For instance, I had chosen something over civil engineering, while getting into college. My desire to not get into the bureaucracy and corruption, was very old and strong. I believed, Civil Engineering will make me more materialistic and money minded, far from creative. I didn’t have a jot of doubt in my mind for not choosing it. The Irony is, after college, the major part of my career had revolved around civil engineering. I faced all of my fears, which i once ran from. Your career take turns unexpectedly to amaze you. There are many more instances of such kinds. Like now in my life, I am feeling a Black Swan happening to me. Life had already taken a 180 degree turn. You always have those Black Swan’s showing up expressions, even if you are a little restless creature. I don’t regret a bit, for what career choices I have made for myself. I have learned, and that makes me who I am now.

Not surprisingly, it has happened with friends & acquaintances in my life. Invariably, when you have to decide whom to make your friend, you think of befriending people with more achievement than yours, more established ones, maybe a crush of yours. You want to add them to your life, you do it by Fb’ing, getting numbers, texts yadda yadda. For me, I have never been able to make friends with the people I wished to that way. Contrary to it, it has always been the person randomly sitting next to you, or the one who just stumbled upon; walking at an unexpected place and time. That is how I found the connect with people, who are my friends now. Seeing this pattern again, just makes me feels special that i could relate to it. The friends I have, I cherish to know them. I think they are much better than the ones I once thought of befriending. Even when I had made a friend among someone I wished to, it has not turned out to be a long lasting one. This phenomenon brings a beam in my eyes, when I see it happening.

Now for the special kinds (a partner kind, is just a subset to this), which I have in my life. Here, it was more of what I was expecting from the person and what I had finally made them. The first, and the only one, relationship I had in life, was a school crush. I always wanted that to happen, and it finally happened while in college. But eventually, turned out to be hell. Now I wish it should’ve not happened. More surprisingly, ahead in my life, its here where I have noticed my expectations ruining the whole game for me. This is how it happens with me; If I like someone, then I start wishing (you can’t control that) something to happen. But even with all the efforts and good intentions in place, this would just refuse to click and shatters like a trail of dominoes. Just like that. How much so ever hard i may try. But with a very few when it had actually worked out, it was the least I expected. The special kinds just show themselves from unimaginable places and situations. They become a celebrated part of your life. They come to never go. It need not be a partner all the time, their are other special kinds as well.

To be clear enough, between friends and special kinds, friends are in noway less or more than the special kinds. Its just that the friends have a explicit presence in your life, and special kinds are there subtly. Its possible that, you don’t talk or communicate much, with the special kinds, but you do it at the right time and at right place. Like, I have a “blog buddy”, happened totally unexpected.

Towards the end now, I have been lately thinking alot about these Black Swan events and situations happening to me. With time, i have tried really hard to defy these Black Swan’s, with whatever I have realized about them in past. But every-time, it just gets me in a more surprising or a deeper manner, which I would have never thought of happening. Amazes me. It bounces back even if you had let it go, from somewhere or the other. You are just left to smile at yourself that how could I did not see it coming, I was expecting something else.

A “pen friend” happened to me. I never saw it coming, not in my slightest of dreams.

A Black Swan, Indeed. :)

Black Swan

~Yogesh

June 6, 2014

So You Want To Be A Writer

•June 18, 2014 • Leave a Comment

if it doesn’t come bursting out of you
in spite of everything,
don’t do it.
unless it comes unasked out of your
heart and your mind and your mouth
and your gut,
don’t do it.
if you have to sit for hours
staring at your computer screen
or hunched over your
typewriter
searching for words,
don’t do it.
if you’re doing it for money or
fame,
don’t do it.
if you’re doing it because you want
women in your bed,
don’t do it.
if you have to sit there and
rewrite it again and again,
don’t do it.
if it’s hard work just thinking about doing it,
don’t do it.
if you’re trying to write like somebody
else,
forget about it.
if you have to wait for it to roar out of
you,
then wait patiently.
if it never does roar out of you,
do something else.

if you first have to read it to your wife
or your girlfriend or your boyfriend
or your parents or to anybody at all,
you’re not ready.

don’t be like so many writers,
don’t be like so many thousands of
people who call themselves writers,
don’t be dull and boring and
pretentious, don’t be consumed with self-
love.
the libraries of the world have
yawned themselves to
sleep
over your kind.
don’t add to that.
don’t do it.
unless it comes out of
your soul like a rocket,
unless being still would
drive you to madness or
suicide or murder,
don’t do it.
unless the sun inside you is
burning your gut,
don’t do it.

when it is truly time,
and if you have been chosen,
it will do it by
itself and it will keep on doing it
until you die or it dies in you.

there is no other way.

and there never was.

~ Charles Bukowski

Ref: http://allpoetry.com/poem/8509537-So-You-Want-To-Be-A-Writer-by-Charles-Bukowski

 

Abysm..

•May 20, 2010 • 2 Comments

What If!! it goes all wrong
you cant stand your feet at-all

What if, your storages catch your song
you cant sing the free syllable-all

What for, you crusade
when you dont have a cause

What for, you ascent
when all you get have dent

What is it, its made of
gold, glory none of all

Darkness beholds my mind
hope!! albeit behind, controls you

Can you keep your head? and trust yourself
when you are detested, and kept apart

You must be amiss, laugh at it
competitive as it seems to me

Hold your thought, too black you are
too causal, too belittled

Close your eyes in absym, with wirelined creatures
There’s something they wish you to do…

~Yogesh

A Song

•May 3, 2010 • 1 Comment

Writing here feels different today possibly its because its happening after a really long time or alot of things happened which i couldn’t pen down over here.
Life has been busy lately and After a really long time yesterday i sat and was feeling to create something musical and i made a song (not a poem) which deserves to be here… so here it is..

Pankh

Dekhta hoon main, sochta hoon main
Chahta hoon main kya pata

ghoomta hoon main, shakta hoon main
jhoojhta hoon main, kyun bhala

girte girte hi jaan chali jaye, to
kab chuoge aasman

gaate-gaate hi nabj kat jaaye,
isse jaada hoga kya

na n na na naaa, na n na na naa,
na n na na na n naaa

kaisi tasveer hai meri aakhon main
jakde pankhon ko yahan

khulke pankhon ko aaj udne do
waqt se hai tumko kya

is jameen se bhi aasman dikhta hai
kyun na pahucho tum wahan

I tried recording it and found am not good in singing but still tried uploading the audio file..but its not allowing me to do so.. then i guess it shouldn’t be here..:)

~Yogesh
3rd may 2010

Bledy Nostalgic…

•December 20, 2009 • Leave a Comment

Mood I is about to start from tomorrow, and with all the footfalls the IIT campus is slowly turning to a “Herd Replete”. This time they Managed to get “Porcupine Tree” one of the greatest rock band in World history. And they are coming for the first time to india.

Well, Iam not writing here with any intention of glorifying Mood Indigo and stuff. But I have been yankering of writing some Nostalgic feeling i’ve been experincing for quite a time now.

1) I saw Surbahar, an annual hindi music Performance by the students for the college, a month ago. I was a part of it a couple of years ago.Now as a alumini I can only come and watch it. It used to be a vocals show only in previous years with professional instrumentalists being hired, But from my time it was decided to be done exclusively by students so we instrumentalists Hop in. And then started those late night meetings song selection, practice till 4am. Everybody was roughly in 3-8 songs, I was in 6. The day was great, with the whole Convocation hall filled up with proffessors students totaling a 1000+ it was indeed a great moment. I still remember for some songs i dint even know how they sounded with amplifiers with other instruments in those songs, as there was less of amplifiers during practice i just made sure that the chords were correct and beleived my gut that i have a sense for music and beats. It was also my first time where I had to handle those processors and electric guitars for the first time directly on stage I never even used them. Neway I did blunder in first song , I had to play a clean guitar but the bledy processor was on distortion. The song was “In Dino” from life in metro and it did sounded great with that distortion. Slowly every song came and went people started to get into that party mood with the song “Pyaar Hamen Kiss Mod pe le aaya”. And in no time the huge space between the seats and stage was fullof people dancing in that pure bollywood style masti. Even we joined them and as others were playing it was no where less than a disc but ofcourse very very less females. I played my part and then joined everyone down. Well for the last song I was supposed to play It was “Jhoom Barabar Jhoom”. And I was still dstanding down without even realizing that I have to play until it was announced loudly “Yogesh come to the stage immediately”. I was all in sweat and tired but still excited and I played. And bloody when I saw the footage of that song I couldn’t stop laughing I was so funny and out of my mind out there while playing. Hehe I’ll never forget that . But this time I was just waiting for that kind of crowd and dancing to happen. Some people did try to start but it all went down soon instead of picking up. Anyways there’s nothing like they weren’t good and all but I just cannot stop thinking of my time. haaahhh……..

2) The Mood I time also have been there for performing sometimes with this band sometimes with the other I never had a constant group of people. But the last Mood I was special. I wasn’t going through the greatest of my times so didn’t even thought of performing or any kind of participation. On the day festival started I met a junior he was like lets play something in “Mantra”. And the “Mantra” competition was the next day itself. I was like yes we can do it but where are the people? Then we went around asking for some more people and here we were we had a Band ready. And then I’ll never forget we practiced for straight 10 hours and there we performend it. It wasn’t the best of them but I was happy that I atleast performed. Well now I can’t perform but I’ll do watch people Jamming…:))

3)“ Déjà vu” the movie . Iam not talking about the one in Hollywood this was made long befor it even came or heard of in my first year. It was made by one of our senior at that time and was adapted from a PAF did a year ago. It had a streetplay in the beginning and I was part of it. I always loved streetplays and being a part of it. But it was only recently I got to see it. And I looked so slim and like a kid. Well its maybe because I have put on quite some weight in past year, but it was great to see it. It was again Nostalgic for me. Sometimes I feel where have I lost something in me. Iam not like the one I previously was….

There’s more of them Maybe i’ll edit this post and write later or will never…

A….C#m….Bm….E

•November 24, 2009 • Leave a Comment

A Song

I wrote a song about World
about the air,water, matter and blah blah…

I heard a song about Love
about the idiot, fallen, unsound and blah blah…

I read a song about Dream
about the luck, money, magnate and blah blah…

I recited a song about Life
about the made miles, tiles, piles and blah blah…

I  sung a song about a child
about everything and again!! blah blah…

Somebody I

•August 30, 2009 • 6 Comments
……………………………………………………..
Somebody I see, Somebody I know
frustrated in his arms.
Somebody I walk, Somebody I Look
flying the eyes to aurora.
.
Somebody I feel, Somebody I ghost
flashing every shadow of his
Somebody I scare, Somebody I eyes
fireing his IceBalls
.
Somebody I smile, Somebody I heart
frightening to take again
Somebody I work, Somebody I break
flushing the “Hush” all way.
.
Somebody I miss, Somebody I am
finding my fight Alone, all Alone.
.
~Yogesh  30th August 5:00PM
…………………………………………………….


 
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