A Nature Tripp

I like my alone time. The time I explore, my way. It often happens to me that I want to go and sit without anyone knowing my whereabouts. I love finding places which are untouched and surreal, it gives me peace and a mind filled with pure thoughts.

Observing happens to me very naturally, I can’t forbear myself from not doing it. I don’t disturb anything, I just observe. Our senses fill us with inputs from the world all around us. Some people like to sway away, considering them to be noises, by plugging them with controlled inputs ( I mean Listening to music, Talking on phone for leisure, Whatsapping, texting etc at public places where you can’t really do stuff other than these), I don’t. I like this time, but most of this in our daily life comes from a world with only humans and things made by humans around us. Nature is very rarely seen in its pure form.

The College Campus I belong to has been cleverly carved out from a natural Bioshpere. With one side opening to a enormous city life and everything that it has offer and the other side is an untouched, secluded national park. The confluence makes it a perfect place for someone like me who wants a balance of both worlds. I explore here for places where none or very less people would have gone to.

I was on a hunt for such a place one morning, along side the forest area besides the lake. I found a way to such a place that morning going through a non-existent swampy path inside the forest. It being a monsoon season, you could easily find your feet giving away in the mushy terrains. I somehow made it to that place. The place was secluded and worth stopping by having a tree top making it look like a shed. I saw a tree log lying there which was broken in distant past and some of it have been eaten away by insects. The log had algae and mushrooms on it, and it was wet due to the monsoons. I could see the lake sitting on it, but hindered. The air was fresh and the winds were strong there. The moderate to heavy showers made it all feel like I have only the nature around me, I was happy coming here. Its hard to find such a place where you can see nature in its pure form. I took a halt, and without realizing, as I sat on the tree log, I was observing everything around me. The wet leaves had piled everywhere and had darkened with time, the flora could be seen feeling the winds and the grass with pearls of water on them. Looking around closely, I could see insects making there way to places, dragonflies hovering over the plants, grasshoppers and crickets jumping like in chaos. I could see the nature working there and was feeling content with my experience. It was nice to be able to come and find such a place.

Monsoons are struggling times. As Humans, we struggle in our day to day lives during monsoons. Reaching offices is a pain, walking over small and big puddles, strong winds, getting wet and some of us fall ill during this time. Its a little more struggling than the other seasons. Its the Nature who brings this on us and not only to us but to all living creatures. In monsoons, Every living being struggles to some extent in its day to day lives. I could see ants trying to rebuild there broken castles, bringing the soil which seeped inside there homes with water. I could see a cricket (The Insect), trying to make his way through small water puddles by getting on the leaves and trying to cross it. I could see a Bee (or maybe a wasp) who was not able to fly, due to her wet wings and was hanging over a twig of a plant trying to make it to a safe spot. Everyone was struggling. But as we humans make our way out somehow, these creatures were also able to get through the hurdles monsoons had posed for them. The ants were slowly getting there home back in shape, the cricket made it over finally and the wasp reached a safe leaf and in sometime flew away. It was nice to see how everyone struggled but overcame it with not a very great difficulty. That is what evolution has taught us all, survival at any cost.

I then saw a small caterpillar, about a cm long, lying upside down waiving his many prolegs and trying to get up. He used to do a sit up kind of thing to get up, failing which he used to lie down and try from the sides. Well, I observed him for sometime, and was pretty sure he’ll make it. He has been living here and is used to monsoon, nature should’ve taught all of this to him. I looked at other places, spent some more time, and kept a look on the caterpillar now and then for sometime. To my surprise he was stuck in the situation and was exhausted to his core. I had sympathy for him since the time I saw him struggling but then I just wanted him to do it like every other insect or living being was struggling and ultimately living through.

Finally as I could see the infinite cycle, I helped him to get straight. He got up and in panic, started to move. To my surprise he quickly fell again upside down, I was confused for this idiot now. But then suddenly I focused on what he was walking on. It was a easily camouflaged black plastic bag, which I could not see all this time, as all the leaves and soil were also black. I understood, It wasn’t his natural place. Then I slowly started to look around more closely. There were some plastic bags, Alcohol bottles, plastic glasses lying around. These things didn’t come to my sight at first glance when I entered there with so much green around. The caterpillar could have easily made it if it was not the plastic bag below him, its not what nature has given it, its too slippery for him. It was disheartening to see how littering is a common practice we humans practice. These plastics are not natural and hinder with the natural ecosystem in every possible way. I felt like I had a trip, a realization coming from a small detail but shaking me like a hurricane.

We humans do it all the time, strewing around; starting from every individual using those chips packets to the industries who just release their waste like its gone in thin air and then they don’t have to worry about it. Most of us fail to understand that all of this doesn’t just disappear. Some are taken care by nature but most of them are not and they hinder with the natural ecosystem which we have been provided to live in harmony and peace.

We being an intelligent being do have the capability to change our surroundings. We can do it for better living, but only if we are ready to protect it from ourselves. The realization has to be more profound and actions has to be taken feeling more responsible for it. Well, as an individual I am nothing to advocate on this as there are many great people who are already fighting for this. But I believe it will only come with a greater realization which all of us individually need to have to make anything work.

As the caterpillar struggled to live through something which nature haven’t given him, humans will also struggle to survive with all the shit they have dumped everywhere and don’t care about. This has to stop, and its not gonna stop unless each of us decides to stop doing it, all of us.

Amen.

~Yogesh

The Patterns of Randomness in Life; Part 1

Brain is so fascinating. It has the ability to figure out patterns, even in situations and places you just don’t expect the patterns to reveal themselves. The resulting bemusement, intrigues me, always.

Over the time, and with so many lurid incidences happening to me, I somewhere had discovered a Philosophy. A kind of invisible hand, to which you are so thankful.

This is just like the ‘Black Swan‘ (events), first coined and explained by Nassim Nicholas Taleb . Highly improbable to predict, but beautiful and life changing when it happens. Of-course, the Black Swan events are very well known and talked about, but they are more content with the humanity as a whole. I see it happening in life, in different ways, shows up totally unexpectedly, and well, gives you a beautiful feeling. They also stay long with you. The learnings, the memories and the changes you see in you, just make you pinch yourself.

 

I do not claim that this feeling is special to me, these events are very much happening in everyone’s life, am sure of it. But, we only happen to talk about the individual experiences after these Black Swan events in life. We don’t talk about the whole pattern of such events happening in every part of our life. We always feel happy sharing this Black Swan with others. what’s it about and how it happened, but never realize that it governs the change in you. That’s how much amazing this feeling is, a Black Swan happening. So many times, I get myself engulfed in these patterns, coming unexpectedly through every instance of your life.

It has happened with me while traveling. I left home with a crude plan of where all to go, but there was a plan. At the end of it, as you looked back my 3500kms of journey, I realised that I totally went a Brownian path. There were places you went which were not even closely in your plan. But you loved it. And given a chance, you would’ve totally wanted it to happen the way it happened. You meet people, interesting one’s. There are people who have been traveling for as long as a year in India. They tell you stories. I happened to teach an Israeli how to sing “Tum hi ho” song. So many of these unexpected events happen, which you would just deny of even thinking to. No wonder! why everyone starts beaming when they talk about their Travel.

It has happened with my career choices as well.  I always felt bewildered with even a thought of what I want to do in life. There’s so much I want to do in life, and it has just put me in those many random roles, which i enjoyed thoroughly. For instance, I had chosen something over civil engineering, while getting into college. My desire to not get into the bureaucracy and corruption, was very old and strong. I believed, Civil Engineering will make me more materialistic and money minded, far from creative. I didn’t have a jot of doubt in my mind for not choosing it. The Irony is, after college, the major part of my career had revolved around civil engineering. I faced all of my fears, which i once ran from. Your career take turns unexpectedly to amaze you. There are many more instances of such kinds. Like now in my life, I am feeling a Black Swan happening to me. Life had already taken a 180 degree turn. You always have those Black Swan’s showing up expressions, even if you are a little restless creature. I don’t regret a bit, for what career choices I have made for myself. I have learned, and that makes me who I am now.

Not surprisingly, it has happened with friends & acquaintances in my life. Invariably, when you have to decide whom to make your friend, you think of befriending people with more achievement than yours, more established ones, maybe a crush of yours. You want to add them to your life, you do it by Fb’ing, getting numbers, texts yadda yadda. For me, I have never been able to make friends with the people I wished to that way. Contrary to it, it has always been the person randomly sitting next to you, or the one who just stumbled upon; walking at an unexpected place and time. That is how I found the connect with people, who are my friends now. Seeing this pattern again, just makes me feels special that i could relate to it. The friends I have, I cherish to know them. I think they are much better than the ones I once thought of befriending. Even when I had made a friend among someone I wished to, it has not turned out to be a long lasting one. This phenomenon brings a beam in my eyes, when I see it happening.

Now for the special kinds (a partner kind, is just a subset to this), which I have in my life. Here, it was more of what I was expecting from the person and what I had finally made them. The first, and the only one, relationship I had in life, was a school crush. I always wanted that to happen, and it finally happened while in college. But eventually, turned out to be hell. Now I wish it should’ve not happened. More surprisingly, ahead in my life, its here where I have noticed my expectations ruining the whole game for me. This is how it happens with me; If I like someone, then I start wishing (you can’t control that) something to happen. But even with all the efforts and good intentions in place, this would just refuse to click and shatters like a trail of dominoes. Just like that. How much so ever hard i may try. But with a very few when it had actually worked out, it was the least I expected. The special kinds just show themselves from unimaginable places and situations. They become a celebrated part of your life. They come to never go. It need not be a partner all the time, their are other special kinds as well.

To be clear enough, between friends and special kinds, friends are in noway less or more than the special kinds. Its just that the friends have a explicit presence in your life, and special kinds are there subtly. Its possible that, you don’t talk or communicate much, with the special kinds, but you do it at the right time and at right place. Like, I have a “blog buddy”, happened totally unexpected.

Towards the end now, I have been lately thinking alot about these Black Swan events and situations happening to me. With time, i have tried really hard to defy these Black Swan’s, with whatever I have realized about them in past. But every-time, it just gets me in a more surprising or a deeper manner, which I would have never thought of happening. Amazes me. It bounces back even if you had let it go, from somewhere or the other. You are just left to smile at yourself that how could I did not see it coming, I was expecting something else.

A “pen friend” happened to me. I never saw it coming, not in my slightest of dreams.

A Black Swan, Indeed. 🙂

~Yogesh

June 6, 2014

So You Want To Be A Writer

if it doesn’t come bursting out of you
in spite of everything,
don’t do it.
unless it comes unasked out of your
heart and your mind and your mouth
and your gut,
don’t do it.
if you have to sit for hours
staring at your computer screen
or hunched over your
typewriter
searching for words,
don’t do it.
if you’re doing it for money or
fame,
don’t do it.
if you’re doing it because you want
women in your bed,
don’t do it.
if you have to sit there and
rewrite it again and again,
don’t do it.
if it’s hard work just thinking about doing it,
don’t do it.
if you’re trying to write like somebody
else,
forget about it.
if you have to wait for it to roar out of
you,
then wait patiently.
if it never does roar out of you,
do something else.

if you first have to read it to your wife
or your girlfriend or your boyfriend
or your parents or to anybody at all,
you’re not ready.

don’t be like so many writers,
don’t be like so many thousands of
people who call themselves writers,
don’t be dull and boring and
pretentious, don’t be consumed with self-
love.
the libraries of the world have
yawned themselves to
sleep
over your kind.
don’t add to that.
don’t do it.
unless it comes out of
your soul like a rocket,
unless being still would
drive you to madness or
suicide or murder,
don’t do it.
unless the sun inside you is
burning your gut,
don’t do it.

when it is truly time,
and if you have been chosen,
it will do it by
itself and it will keep on doing it
until you die or it dies in you.

there is no other way.

and there never was.

~ Charles Bukowski

Ref: http://allpoetry.com/poem/8509537-So-You-Want-To-Be-A-Writer-by-Charles-Bukowski

 

Abysm..

What If!! it goes all wrong
you cant stand your feet at-all

What if, your storages catch your song
you cant sing the free syllable-all

What for, you crusade
when you dont have a cause

What for, you ascent
when all you get have dent

What is it, its made of
gold, glory none of all

Darkness beholds my mind
hope!! albeit behind, controls you

Can you keep your head? and trust yourself
when you are detested, and kept apart

You must be amiss, laugh at it
competitive as it seems to me

Hold your thought, too black you are
too causal, too belittled

Close your eyes in absym, with wirelined creatures
There’s something they wish you to do…

~Yogesh

A Song

Writing here feels different today possibly its because its happening after a really long time or alot of things happened which i couldn’t pen down over here.
Life has been busy lately and After a really long time yesterday i sat and was feeling to create something musical and i made a song (not a poem) which deserves to be here… so here it is..

Pankh

Dekhta hoon main, sochta hoon main
Chahta hoon main kya pata

ghoomta hoon main, shakta hoon main
jhoojhta hoon main, kyun bhala

girte girte hi jaan chali jaye, to
kab chuoge aasman

gaate-gaate hi nabj kat jaaye,
isse jaada hoga kya

na n na na naaa, na n na na naa,
na n na na na n naaa

kaisi tasveer hai meri aakhon main
jakde pankhon ko yahan

khulke pankhon ko aaj udne do
waqt se hai tumko kya

is jameen se bhi aasman dikhta hai
kyun na pahucho tum wahan

I tried recording it and found am not good in singing but still tried uploading the audio file..but its not allowing me to do so.. then i guess it shouldn’t be here..:)

~Yogesh
3rd may 2010

Bledy Nostalgic…

Mood I is about to start from tomorrow, and with all the footfalls the IIT campus is slowly turning to a “Herd Replete”. This time they Managed to get “Porcupine Tree” one of the greatest rock band in World history. And they are coming for the first time to india.

Well, Iam not writing here with any intention of glorifying Mood Indigo and stuff. But I have been yankering of writing some Nostalgic feeling i’ve been experincing for quite a time now.

1) I saw Surbahar, an annual hindi music Performance by the students for the college, a month ago. I was a part of it a couple of years ago.Now as a alumini I can only come and watch it. It used to be a vocals show only in previous years with professional instrumentalists being hired, But from my time it was decided to be done exclusively by students so we instrumentalists Hop in. And then started those late night meetings song selection, practice till 4am. Everybody was roughly in 3-8 songs, I was in 6. The day was great, with the whole Convocation hall filled up with proffessors students totaling a 1000+ it was indeed a great moment. I still remember for some songs i dint even know how they sounded with amplifiers with other instruments in those songs, as there was less of amplifiers during practice i just made sure that the chords were correct and beleived my gut that i have a sense for music and beats. It was also my first time where I had to handle those processors and electric guitars for the first time directly on stage I never even used them. Neway I did blunder in first song , I had to play a clean guitar but the bledy processor was on distortion. The song was “In Dino” from life in metro and it did sounded great with that distortion. Slowly every song came and went people started to get into that party mood with the song “Pyaar Hamen Kiss Mod pe le aaya”. And in no time the huge space between the seats and stage was fullof people dancing in that pure bollywood style masti. Even we joined them and as others were playing it was no where less than a disc but ofcourse very very less females. I played my part and then joined everyone down. Well for the last song I was supposed to play It was “Jhoom Barabar Jhoom”. And I was still dstanding down without even realizing that I have to play until it was announced loudly “Yogesh come to the stage immediately”. I was all in sweat and tired but still excited and I played. And bloody when I saw the footage of that song I couldn’t stop laughing I was so funny and out of my mind out there while playing. Hehe I’ll never forget that . But this time I was just waiting for that kind of crowd and dancing to happen. Some people did try to start but it all went down soon instead of picking up. Anyways there’s nothing like they weren’t good and all but I just cannot stop thinking of my time. haaahhh……..

2) The Mood I time also have been there for performing sometimes with this band sometimes with the other I never had a constant group of people. But the last Mood I was special. I wasn’t going through the greatest of my times so didn’t even thought of performing or any kind of participation. On the day festival started I met a junior he was like lets play something in “Mantra”. And the “Mantra” competition was the next day itself. I was like yes we can do it but where are the people? Then we went around asking for some more people and here we were we had a Band ready. And then I’ll never forget we practiced for straight 10 hours and there we performend it. It wasn’t the best of them but I was happy that I atleast performed. Well now I can’t perform but I’ll do watch people Jamming…:))

3)“ Déjà vu” the movie . Iam not talking about the one in Hollywood this was made long befor it even came or heard of in my first year. It was made by one of our senior at that time and was adapted from a PAF did a year ago. It had a streetplay in the beginning and I was part of it. I always loved streetplays and being a part of it. But it was only recently I got to see it. And I looked so slim and like a kid. Well its maybe because I have put on quite some weight in past year, but it was great to see it. It was again Nostalgic for me. Sometimes I feel where have I lost something in me. Iam not like the one I previously was….

There’s more of them Maybe i’ll edit this post and write later or will never…

A….C#m….Bm….E

A Song

I wrote a song about World
about the air,water, matter and blah blah…

I heard a song about Love
about the idiot, fallen, unsound and blah blah…

I read a song about Dream
about the luck, money, magnate and blah blah…

I recited a song about Life
about the made miles, tiles, piles and blah blah…

I  sung a song about a child
about everything and again!! blah blah…

Somebody I

……………………………………………………..

Somebody I see, Somebody I know

frustrated in his arms.

Somebody I walk, Somebody I Look

flying the eyes to aurora.

.

Somebody I feel, Somebody I ghost

flashing every shadow of his

Somebody I scare, Somebody I eyes

fireing his IceBalls

.

Somebody I smile, Somebody I heart

frightening to take again

Somebody I work, Somebody I break

flushing the “Hush” all way.

.

Somebody I miss, Somebody I am

finding my fight Alone, all Alone.

.

~Yogesh  30th August 5:00PM

…………………………………………………….

A Flower…

I was sliding down the road
with lots of fruits and stores.
I was feeling noone,
not even that big fat aunt.

It was time of my everyday,
after office walks.
Albeit evrybody found it weir
i found it forever evergreen sovor

Nothing stoped me at once,
Nothing got more than a glance
unless i saw something,
i Had already passed it, i Stoped
I looked back , down beclouded

It was a “Flower”,
A yellow glinting Flower.
With lots of Petals
It had a long tail,
It was squelched
Maybe a couple of time.
It seemed like disdained,
and rejected from status quo.

I couldn’t resist Picking it up,
it could still be worth to someone.
Nobody ever gave me anything,
I felt nice with it.
I straighten and neaten the wings,
made it felt cared and kept it rising.

In a crowded place and road rush
I gave the flower to a bush.
One which can never have flowers
Maybe he needs to feel like to be flowerish.

I moved away with a smile,
which can make me go one more mile.
I felt i gave something to someone,
And that makes me feel that,
am not all that Bad Person…:)

~Yogi

19th July…

Bangalore…

Bangalore ….First time you hear it, it sounds like “Bang what??”… hehe jokes apart …but this is the place where i’ll be having my first job, my first income, my first spending, and what not… i never expected that to happen. I felt my life is going to just domicile in Bombay, with which iam still in live with, but bangalore(i still love the old names of city’s calcutta, bombay, bangalore and all others) ain’t so bad. I like to just roam around like a jobless junkie. And as i don’t know anybody who’s like me i land up spending time alone just roaming here and there on roads, malls, shops and talking with arbit people don’t know i can’t resist to keep moving.People here work, eat and go home all my office guys do it, i can’t live like that. wish i had a bike or something but walking ain’t bad. u’ll enjoy it if you have time. I had a lot of random observations i felt like writing…

1) Bangalore is a cool city i mean literally you don’t find the temperature goign up ever in the whole day time. i never switched on my fan even once during this 10 days time.

2)I miss mumbai in terms of public transportation. It sucks up here rickshaw’s have there own empire they charge you whatever they want. and in night you can’t afford them. One thing is so common bloody no rickshaw wala has ever got change with him. Again even if they have it its a a way to keep the surplus. busses, you cant make out how many types of buses they have here. And only place you can find the name of the place which bus is going is at the main Bus Stop else its just jalebi’s. You’ll finds so many oneways over here you go into it you comeout all the round and that really sucks. Auto rickshaw people are the same as if you are at some railway station, They won’t stop bugging you untill you get irritated and shout sometimes.

3)Its a place where people find prey’s. There’s a whole AMway network being spread up here in bangalore which normally keeps changing its name everytime it gets into a bad name rather now they don’t keep any name so “no name” and hence “no bad name”…:D. This MLM technique has been there since ages . But they’ll show you as if its a very new concept, it has revolutionaized the market and they use very fancy terms like e-comerence, diversification which we had no idea but sounds good. I like meeting new people and behave nicely and friendly with evryone i come accross even to a sweeper or a vendor i love talking to people. And as i roam around most of my free time day by day i started making some friends. i felt like people here are good and they like talking to starngers. But slowly it started to show why they wanted to contact. Its all just they got sucked up in the system and to not be a looser they have to find and get more people to sucked up in the system. Its a pyramid scam been there for years. AMway,Quixtar they have been just trying to expand in other contries as it is slowly being rejected from US UK and other devoloped countries.  They normally target the newcommers in the cooprate world as they hardly have any idea about it and so its easy to get them in it. And what they say is “The only mistake you can do is now not joining the system, you will regret it” my foot!! I hate this kind of promises. Even if when i first saw there presentation i was feeling like theres a sugarcane whos juice is already being taken of and now they are trying to get something out of it and somehow through complicated terms they want you to belive that there’s still juice in it. Its a social disaster i could see people there introducing them as not the person but “from IIM ahd, IIT chennai” and all that shit. Arey even iam from IIT Bombay but i never boast so much i don’t like it. I feel they don’t have it actually but just to keep the business going they do show that how bug people are involved in it. I first faced this in college Some E-Biz stuff people were behind me for that. Same things came to my mind and something more My dad said once to me “Beta paise ke piche kabhi nahi bhagna chahiye” and that gave me direction and i know it was a wise one, i know so many of them just loosing their money. I hope something comes up against these people.

4)I don’t know but this place should win the “lovers place town” in country. I never saw so many couples in a city. you’ll find them everywhere. Ofcourse makes me jealous, But its fine am a big loner and that makes me different and satisfied. i like to watch people including bird watching but thats just a subset. i see happy faces, poker-faces, confused faces, “waiting for someone eagerly” faces, “waiting for someone not so eagerly” kinda faces,idli- sambhar faces, wada- sambhar faces, firang with sutta faces, “firang running for something i never figured out what” and what not.

5)Bangalore seems to be like a very small city with everyone converging to a very feww places in town,its possible that i haven’t seen it and hence iam very much wrong about this place.But thats the feeling till now. You’ll find 3-4 CCD’s on a single road of a 1KiloMeter or something. You’ll hardly find “Sutta-chai Thapri’s” over here, But instead lots of bakery and sweet shops and every grocery shop keeps chai-coffee-sutta with him. As mumbai has it at 1:30AM same you’ll find it at 11PM in night i have to forcibly go to my flat because evrything goes dull after 11. I met a boy somewhere between 11-13 yrs of age he carries a bicycle with chai and sutta and starts as early as 8PM and remain there till 11PM. After which you’ll have to crave for chai in the city.

6)”Chinky’s” yes they are in plenty. Seems like the whole north-east shifts to this city after they complete a certain age. And i swear they have style and they don’t look like some tribal area guys and i realize i had a very less exposure with them. It seems like Most of the people from there come over to complete there higher studies and then also land up doing jobs here.

7) Bangalore by the way has a lot of rock lovers. people here love music, and thats what makes me comfortable.Even in my office People play music all the time during work hours reminds me of my college. Many pubs just offer rock songs i landed up spending my latest weekend nights over there in a place called “Purple haze”. Hopefully it’ll bring my guitar out of my room someday where i’ll have open space and people to listen and sing along.

Walking on the roads of Bangalore is slowly showing me alot of its faces. I do miss alot of things over here like friends and all seems like i don’t know any of them who are walking around me. But that doesn’t stop me from walking and exploring places around me. One old friend of mine saw me and quoted me as “roadstur” hehe. Maybe thats right for me…:)